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Judgement Free Zone

6/10/2015

3 Comments

 
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Ever since I became a parent, I find myself doubting my every move, There are many times during the day where I stop and think: Am I messing my child up? Am I being too strict, or too lenient? Am I doing this right? etc. 
OK, chances are my son will be OK. I mean, my parents are not even close to being perfect (sorry mom) but I like to think I came out alright. But never in my life have I doubted myself so much as I do when it comes to my parenting.
For starters, there is so much information out there now a days at our fingertips, that chances are you are going to find hundreds of pages, all with different advice on the same subject, and now they have studies for everything. I can drive you mad! You will find all kinds of point of views, and everybody swears by their method and it seems that everybody is against everyone else's point of view. It just takes to scroll down to the bottom of the pages and see how the comments escalate from "I don't agree" to insults and name calling. And although they can be entertaining (Oh! come on! don't tell me you haven't made yourself comfortable with a cup of your favorite drink and pressed the refresh button constantly to see what happens) They can actually make you doubt your parenting skills even more.
And the internet is one thing, I mean, at least you can go offline and go back to your happy place and pretend that what you just read didn't affect you at all. 
But when you meet other parents and they judge the way you parent your child, that's a whole different thing! 
I had a lady approach me while I was feeding my child formula (he must have been around 2 months old) and tell me how bad of a mother I was because I was not breastfeeding my child. Let me tell you something, That was so freaking painful!! Breastfeeding was so hard for me, I had to see a lactation consultant every week for six months cause my child never latched, I pumped every three hours day and night and I did it, because I believed it was the best thing for him, but I did have to supplement and that as it was made me feel guilty (again, because I think I read too much) but then, to hear the judging from somebody else with my hormones still raging was the worse! That made me judge myself even harder in a way and as hurt as I was, that comment lingered with me for a long time.
Ok, anyway, I'll stop venting now and maybe get some counseling for that episode as I clearly am not over it yet.
For me, supplementing with formula was what worked best, as well as many other things.
Those things worked for ME. That doesn't mean they are going to work for you, or even for my second child. But both, me and my husband, decided to parent as we do, together, and because it works for us and for our child.
As I was talking to a friend yesterday, I realized that the self doubting that we have as parents is as common as the judging that we do to other parenting styles. I mean, we all are guilty of both of them, at least I know I am.
But why do we have to be so cruel when we judge to the point as to become bullies  who think of ourselves as crusaders of our cause? I mean, we all love our children and we all want what is best for them. We all suffer with them when they are down and we all celebrate them when we are proud. We all are outstanding parents in some areas and we all could do a little better in others. But we are all in this together. Let's embrace each other, learn from each other's mistakes and successes. By the way, this also means no judging of ourselves. And with that I speak to myself. Motherhood is hard, it comes without a manual and sometimes, at least once a day for me, you are in survival mode. Somebody told me once; "The fact that you are doubting yourself means you care and nobody who cares about their children can be a bad parent". So just do the best you can, do what is best for you and your family and try and enjoy every stage in your children's lives.
Let's make motherhood a judgement free zone and we might find ourselves being happier and better parents.




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3 Comments

Here's to Blogging!

6/5/2015

3 Comments

 
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So here goes nothing! And with that I'm actually writing my very first blog post. 
You know? I've come a long way. The thing is that getting over pregnancy brain is not an easy task. I once considered my self smarter than average, of course not everyone agreed, but they are not blogging here, are they? well, I was smart, savvy, or you know what? at the very least I knew where I was going and where my car keys where at all times.
Then pregnancy happened! with all it's majestic splendor, taking not only over my body but over every single working neuron in my brain. So here is where it starts. As much as I want to be one of those people lucky enough to love pregnancy... I wasn't! between the 9 months of nausea (yes! 9 whole months!) the bloating and the fatigue... ofcourse I enjoyed feeling the baby kick and the ultrasounds and discovering I was carrying a beautiful baby boy, and all of the pretty stuff (you know, the stuff you see in the movies or hear at your friend's baby shower) but trust me. Being pregnant, at least for me, was no walk in the park. 
Anyway, you pretty much expect all of those physical symptoms, but no one, and I mean NO ONE tells you that you are actually and literally going to lose your mind (and might in fact not get it back). You start slowly by misplacing you wallet, then gradually escalate until you hit the point where you have to drag yourself and your huge belly 3 times to the kitchen before you can remember that all you wanted was the rest of that Ben and Jerry's triple caramel chunk pint which up to that point had been your dominating thought for a few hours.
And all of that would be acceptable if by the time you hear your gorgeous new born cry, your bright mind would be ready to function at it's best again. But no! Fast forward 21 months later, 7-10 new debit cards and countless embarrassing phone calls from other people's phone to your number only to find your iPhone in the same place you always place it and you might just find that you've lost your mind for good. 
The key to the situation is acceptance, acceptance of yourself, and of the fact that you might have to go on the rest of your life forgetting half the words in a conversation and accepting that from now on your phone case with a card slot is your best friend.
Now, this might just be me, and if so, I confess I might have a problem, but I like to think pregnancy brain is here to stay. Not that I find any comfort in the thought, but at least that's what I think it is. In any case, I'll just accept and embrace my beautiful forgetful self and say: Here's to this wonderful blog where I can put this post partum brain  to work or at the very least embrace it and consider it a small price to pay for the greatest gift, the gift of motherhood, which has forever changed me!

So, Here's to blogging! Here's to motherhood! 

3 Comments
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    Maria V.

    Being a first time mom is not always easy. Poor kiddo! It's like he is the victim of many cruel but comical experiments. 
    This is me, just plain old me, trying to survive motherhood and loving every minute of it.

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